One Laugh Less

ONE LAUGH LESS
by
William Snakefeare

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

JULIO, a young gentleman
MERCEUS, friend of JULIO
A MAN, enemy of JULIO and MERCEUS

CONTENTS

ACT I. On the streets.

FIRST ACT

SCENE: Old city, the sun is burning on the sun; the streets are dusty and hot; few shadows.

On a chair sits Julio, with his sharpened sword at hand, speaking with Merceus.

JULIO: Oh, Merceus, the heat is devastating! How are we supposed to live in this deserted place, without either water or shade?

MERCEUS: ‘Fraid I do not know; I do not know whether your question was rhetorical or not.

JULIO sighs deeply

JULIO: Ah, but what is life without water?

MERCEUS: What is life without bread?

JULIO: Or without love?

They both sigh

JULIO: I say, Merceus, what’s that?

MERCEUS: What?

A MAN comes going, armed, and dressed in blue robes

JULIO: I say! If it isn’t an intruding member of the Castle-folk!

A MAN: What my eyes see is two scum of the Mountain-folk!

JULIO rises

JULIO: Be gone, you worthless pile of filth!

A MAN: I shall do no such thing! Leave yourself!

They draw swords

JULIO: Feel my wrath, and the sting of my blade!

A MAN: No, but thank you anyway! Your poetry already makes me ears bleed.

JULIO: Then cry me a river yourself, Snakefeare!

They become even more violent; MERCEUS stand behind

MERCEUS: Alright, alright, are you done now?

They ignore him, almost killing each other

A MAN: Scum!

JULIO: Heretic!

A MAN: Nancyboy!

JULIO: Bellybottom!

MERCEUS: Julio?

JULIO: Not now, Merceus!

MERCEUS looks down

MERCEUS: Julio, I think I will be going now.

JULIO: What was that again, Merceus?

MERCEUS sighs, and leaves the scene. Shortly after a while, JULIO strikes down A MAN

JULIO: Ah, once again we people of the Mountains have proven ourselves invulnerable against the pitiful Castle-folk!

He pauses to sit down

JULIO: Isn’t it so, Merceus?

Silence

JULIO: Merceus?

Exeunt